How to Avoid Financial Drain from Weddings

So you've been contributing to (and hopefully maxing out) your 401(k), building up that emergency fund and staying out of credit card debt. Summer is coming, which for many LMF4HMW is"wedding season". Which means some serious cash outlays.

In addition to being fun celebrations, weddings can be a serious drain on your financial pockets. For attendees, there are travel costs, gifts to buy, bridesmaid frocks, shoes, jewelry and other items. For the person(s) paying, it's often an incredible investment -- the average wedding budget is $20,000. So either the the bride and groom or the family of the bride (becoming less common) are in need of some serious budgeting and financial planning.

In today's post, I'll cover the topic from the vantage point of a guest; next week I'll discuss planning and budgeting for your own wedding. (I've attended 30+ weddings in the last 8 years and paid for mine a year ago, so I know a fair amount about them.)

Between 2005-2007, I attended over 20 weddings, two of which were international! I figure I spent an average of $1000+ on each to pay for travel, gifts, and gear (you know, the bridesmaid dresses you'll never again wear). So this amounted to $20,000 in a two year period. Just for comparison sake, had I put this cash into an index fund with a 6% annual return, by 2027 I'd be sitting on $64,000.

The above figure is not mean to scare you or suggest that you stop attending weddings. (I obviously chose to spend the money on good times.) I'm simply stating the real cost of attendance. Each LMF4HMW reader will have her own set of needs and goals. The point is to approach being a wedding guest like you would smart financial planning. Know your costs, have a goal and budget, and spend wisely.

Whether or not to attend a wedding depends on a number of factors, including how close you are with the bride and groom, distance and associated travel costs, the total number of invites you receive, and of course, your particular financial situation. If you divorce yourself from the personal relationship, going into debt to attend a wedding just doesn't make sense. Sometimes, this isn't possible, so if you're going to finance wedding attendance with a credit card, just be sure to have a pay off plan. And consider this within the context of all of your other expenditures and income in that year.

Even if you do decide to attend, think about ways to cut costs. It seems that brides these days have an engagement party, shower, bachelorette party, and a wedding. Not to mention gift registries for all of them. Only a bridezilla would expect you to attend and gift for all of these, so perhaps pick the most important event if attending all of them doesn't make sense. (And if you get any grief, perhaps you should perform a friend reality check.)

If all events are local and do not require travel costs, maybe decide to buy one nicer gift and let the bride and groom know your intention. The important thing is to consider everything in context versus just saying "yes" to all and buying gifts for every occasion without adding up what you're truly spending.

To mitigate my wedding attendee costs, I did one main thing: I did not attend any bachelorette celebrations.

I'm sure there were friends who were offended or miffed that I didn't make their bachelorette parties, but I just didn't think about it. (Brides tend to get a little wrapped up in themselves so I chalked it up to "me" focus and figured it would pass.) Attending all of them would have required an average outlay of an additional $1000+ dollars for each bride. (This would have doubled the cost to attend and made my investment comparison figure $128,000!) With the number of weddings I was in and attending, it just didn't make financial sense. Period. I made it "fair" by applying my no-bachelorettes policy consistently and gently let the bride know that I was saving to attend her wedding.

The above represented my biggest cost savings. I also booked travel in advance through sites like Kayak.com and Priceline.com and avoided attending associated wedding events that weren't local. For example, if a shower was in another city, I stayed put.

Your wedding attendee situation may differ from mine -- if you live in your hometown and all events are local, participating in more of them may not substantially drive up your costs. The main point of the post is to consider the full contextual cost of attending a wedding and make sure you don't go into debt to get there!